


Cigarette Break

by systematic_sora



Series: The Struggles of Growing Up [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Awkwardness, High School, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, M/M, One Shot, Underage Smoking, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-14 21:28:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21022538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/systematic_sora/pseuds/systematic_sora
Summary: Stan and Kenny talk.





	Cigarette Break

The pair was silent, their backs pressed against the brick wall they leaned against as the chilly, late fall air bit mercilessly into their flushed skin. Kenny watched as Stan’s lips wrapped around the cigarette pinched loosely between his index and middle finger, the end lighting up a soft red as he inhaled. He couldn’t stop himself from imagining the taste of those same lips, stale cigarette smoke and something too unique to describe.

“What do you want to do when we grow up?” Stan asked quietly, breaking the silence gently but leaving the weight of the question hanging over their heads like a storm cloud. When they were younger they never would’ve called it “growing up”. They already considered themselves grown up, invigorated by the feeling of immortality only ignorant youth (or literal immortality) could provide. They had other terms for it - not so distant memories from the group’s elementary and middle school days came to mind, when they’d ask each other of their plans for once they were “free” or “legal”. They all had been hit with the wake up call of the looming threat of actual adulthood though, which sobered them up and slapped them in the face with the fact that they all were, in fact, children, no matter how mature they pretended to be or how fast they were forced to grow up.

The silence stretched out, and Kenny deeply inhaled - the cold air burned his nose. He exhaled through his mouth at about the same time Stan released the smoke from his lungs, the steam from the hot breath hitting the air creating a cloud that, although not unlike the cloud of cigarette smoke, dissipated much quicker. The cigarette smoke curled softly around Stan’s features, disturbed as he turned his head to look at Kenny.

“I don’t know.” The blonde replied honestly. Stan nodded in understanding, turning his head again to stare blankly ahead.

“I mean. Do you want to keep…” His eyes flickered to Kenny, awkwardly trailing up and down his body quickly. “Your job?” Stan, like most of their friends, danced around actually naming Kenny’s “job”. Which honestly, Kenny was grateful for. Although he could joke about it, during serious moments he could admit that he wasn’t actually proud of what he did. He was just trying to play the cards life had handed him in a way that would keep his sister safe, happy, and cared for.

What Kenny admitted next was painful. He didn’t typically spill his guts to people, voice his thoughts for anyone to hear. He preferred to be the one taking care of others. Keeping everyone else happy, no matter the cost to his own slowly crumbling emotional stability. “Do I want to? No. Of course not. I didn’t want to get into it in the first place. But…” He sighed, dropping his head and mumbling almost too quietly for Stan to hear. “I’m probably going to keep it up anyways. I don’t just have myself to think of.” Stan, although keeping his mask of indifference firmly on, was startled by Kenny’s admission.

“Oh.” He responded lamely.

Kenny could tell that if he didn’t say anything, another heavy silence would suffocate them, so he turned the tables in hopes that, with his prompting, Stan would fill it. “What about you? What do you want to do?”

Stan raised the cigarette to his lips, inhaling deeply to buy himself time as he thought. What did he want to do? He had never put much thought into it, if he was being honest. He never thought he’d make it to adulthood. But with each year that passed he felt a hopeful warmth slowly filling his chest.

“I don’t know.” He echoed, just as honestly as Kenny had been. No matter how hard he tried he could only ever imagine himself at the bottom of a bottle. The gentle heat in his chest cooled a bit on moments like these, when he tried actually thinking of what his future might hold, but it was still ever-present. A reminder that he just might make it. He just might find happiness, or at the very least, stability. He turned to Kenny, looking him in the eyes, and the warmth was suddenly sharp and hot, his heart clenching and his breath nearly stuttering. “I guess we’ll just have to see what the future has in store for us.”

“We?” Kenny immediately echoed, alien emotions flashing in his brilliantly blue eyes. This time Stan’s breath did stutter, catching in his throat and silently choking him. Shit. Had he actually said that? Rewinding mentally only confirmed that he had, in fact. Panic rose inside of him, but he took a deep breath and pressed it down.

“Yeah.” He confirmed smoothly before he could even begin to think of what he was saying. “We.”

Kenny broke eye contact, looking down - not at Stan’s hand, Stan rationalized, even though that seemed to be where his gaze was trained. No, he had to be looking at something else, why would he be looking at Stan’s hand? His gaze shifted once again, even lower so he was looking at his own shoes. His face burned - from the cold air, of course - and his heart… hurt. He couldn’t tell if it was good or bad, but it sure was something. “We.” He repeated once again in a breathless whisper.

Both boys’ trains of thought were interrupted as Stan cussed softly, dropping his cigarette which was burned down to the filter and shaking the hand that had held it. The place where the cigarette had been pinched his fingers was red, the ghost of a burn, and Stan sighed as he grinded the culprit into the ground with the toe of his shoe and pushed himself off the wall. “Smoke break over. We should get back to the others now.” Kenny followed suit with a mumble in agreement, and the two made their way back to their friends in silence, their minds racing with thoughts.


End file.
